Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
