I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
