At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
