I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
