I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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