batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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