so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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