He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
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