you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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