saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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