I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
