The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
