My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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