dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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