I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
