I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
