Just cropdusted the office
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
