So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
