listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
