I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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