direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
it was like eating out sand paper
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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