mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
