i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the menβs room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out Iβm married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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