I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
