my mouth tastes like poor choices
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
