If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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