I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
