I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
