You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
