Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
