there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
