Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
