I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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