so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
