I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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