hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
