I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
