she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
