That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
