he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
two words...techno handjob
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
