So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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