I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
