Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Too much gin, very little bucket
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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