Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
