I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
