i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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