He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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