I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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