I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
