DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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