did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
