this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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