I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
