hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
