Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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