Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
