dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
