that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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